No More Faking Fine
It was like a punch to the gut. Once upon a time we would’ve discussed big purchases like this yet he hadn’t bothered to ask me. They were boots for work, but I knew the price tag and we didn’t have enough to cover the expense. I tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill over broken trust.
We had just moved, starting from scratch and this was evidence of one of many unhealthy financial patterns we were stuck in. I wanted to curse, kick something and throw the ugly boots back in his face. What had he done? Didn’t he understand what a terrible position we were in? But no, we had built a house of sticks and it was about to come down around us.
Money had never been a frivolous commodity in my life. Growing up, my dad was a pastor and sometimes this vocation is synonyms with a vow of poverty. My parents have many stories of God miraculously meeting their needs and even extravagant blessings which we experienced through the years, but there was never much wiggle room and I saw how it created stress in their marriage. I was determined to live differently. When Spencer and I started talking marriage, I knew it was also important to start talking money. We read a book, had a few conversations and shared ideas, but it barely prepared us for the first months of marriage. Ignorance was truly bliss as we had no idea that we were about to sail into some rough seas.
We began to develop some poor money habits early in our marriage. As young real estate agents, we would anticipate a future sale, so we’d go ahead and spend like we’d already closed the deal or we truly had a need to spend future income for basic, immediate, needs. By some miracle we had managed to stay afloat, but our house built on sand wasn’t going to withstand a single storm. We were $46,000 in debt and because that exceeded our annual income, we couldn’t maintain our unfocused financial lifestyle.
We were fine. We were normal. But I didn’t like this normal. We had become ‘slave to the lender’ and the chains were pulling our marriage under and we weren’t going to survive. Normal was creating unhealthy communication in our marriage, more unspoken words than spoken and I felt like I was carrying this giant burden alone. I was bearing all the responsibility of our budget, juggling the different accounts and carrying secrets regarding the reality of our situation. I had fooled myself into thinking that we were managing because it always worked out by the end of each month. Spencer’s mode of operation was to not talk about it and ignore our current survival mode.
Several years later, this explosive topic took a difficult turn when we were both unexpectedly without jobs and now responsible to care for two young babies. Thankfully, the unemployment checks got us through the first few months of our journey to begin again. Spencer found a job which seemed promising and we were hopeful there would be room to grow with the company.
The day he purchased the boots was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Thankfully, I chose to be quiet and I didn’t curse and throw the boots in his face. He did actually need them for work, so I stayed {miraculously} quiet and prayed for another miracle. As it turns out the Lord was working on the inside and Spencer was convicted that it was time to step up and change the trajectory of our future.
Not only did we sign up for Financial Peace University, but we also finally went to the Word of God to see what it said about money. There was plenty to discover. It turns out there is a lot in there* about wisdom and finances.
- Give the Lord your first 10%
- Don’t spend more than you make
- Free yourself from the lender
These ideas are deceptively simple, but as you all know, it takes a ton of purposeful practice. We started writing down everything we spent and documenting everything that we could count as income, even random gifts. We chose to tithe on the whole income He was providing for us, knowing ten percent was the least we could give in response to His goodness, even when we didn’t think we had enough. This is where we saw amazing things, the Lord exponentially multiplied our sincere efforts. Regardless of daunting life challenges which still came our way, the pace we moved towards financial freedom was nothing short of a miracle.
Paying bills on time, getting free of burdensome debt and improved communication were just a few benefits from our journey towards managing His money, His way. Nine years later, we see how these simple practices have radically changed our lives. Of course, it’s an ongoing practice to remember these principles, but we are so grateful to have these keys to guide us forward through the college years, retirement and the legacy we leave behind. We wish it hadn’t taken so long to figure out some of these basic principles, but now we are financially free, dreaming of the ways He wants to use the money He has so generously given us to steward.
A Blessing for your Financial Journey:
I bless you with the strength to practice disciplines of wisdom with your finances. May you see His miraculous provision unfold as you take steps towards financial freedom. I bless you with a clear picture of the long-term goal even if it requires short-term sacrifice. May the Lord who gives abundantly supply all your needs according to His riches and glory.
Proverbs 3:9-10 Honor the Lord with your possessions and with the first produce of your entire harvest; then your barns will be completely filled, and your vats will overflow with new wine. #septemberwisdom #proverbsforlife #wisdomsays #proverbsaday
*For further reading:
Philippians 4:19, Malachi 3:10, 1Timothy 6:10, Acts 20:35 and Proverbs 22:7
Great post. Thanks for sharing and leading. You guys are amazing.